Is it Irony?

Nah. Can't be. Can it?
But yeah. Life sure can take sudden turns sometimes. It's almost as if I anticipated this one though. It wasn't more than a couple of days ago I wrote it. Carpe diem. Appreciate life. That's why it feels so ironic. It is a fickle thing. Life that is.

Well. I was sure taken by surprise. Again. I should have learned by now, shouldn't I? That's the greatest problem of the optimist. We hope. We believe, despite knowing better. And still, we're actually surprised when it turns out the exact same way as it always have. Mystery, isn't it?

Maybe I am feeling a bit... selfish. Slightly bitter. And just a small amount of depressed. I wish I could wallow in selfpity. I actually really wish I could right now. But I can't. Instead I take it with a huge amount of morbid humor. 'Cause I can't take it in any other way. It's... just life, I guess.


"I scream at the sky, it's easier than crying."

Unspoken.

The words we never say.

Anyone who knows me knows that I like to preach about 'carpe diem' and 'live every day as if it's your last' since it very well could be in my case. No regrets. Because if there would be just one thing in my life I have learned through the years it would be that it might already be too late. Things, people and opportunities... can all disappear in less than a heartbeat but haunt you forever.

Yet still I found myself ending up with words I want to say, should have said, that were never spoken. Not once, not twice, but three times in a day to three different persons. I hold back. I don't know why, but I do. And I'm already regretting it.
I wanted to say honestly. I wanted to say truthfully. I wanted to say really. But instead I said nothing. I kept the precious feeling, the selfish words, all to myself. And what could have been something sweet, is... it's like poison to me.

I don't like this. I don't like it at all.