I stumbled across this Italian proverb a few days ago.
"If the secret sorrows of everyone could be read on their forehead, how many who now cause envy would suddenly become the objects of pity.
This actually stayed with me for a while. I started thinking about how some people who's been close to me through life always seem to say that I shouldn't worry about what others say about me because they simply envy me and that causes them to act that way. I also started thinking that the people who envy me really just... shouldn't. Which is probably why this stuck with me.
Because I suspect if many of those people really knew, if they had seen what I've seen, then yes, I would become an object for their pity. A thought I am not so fond of.
And I wondered; why do people pity those who have been through hardships?
I honestly do not understand it. Pity is supposed to be such a virtuous feeling, a compassionate grace given to the lesser man. I don't like the way others are so quick to pity people. I think it's wrong. Pity belongs to those who deserves it. And I am not one of them. Nor are others who made it through their trials. I think they are worth admiring for actually making it through, rather than pitied because they did. That pity can cause horrible things to the one who becomes the object of it. I speak of experience.
Pity belongs to the ones who can't find it in their heart to respect their fellow man, regardless of religion, opinions or their appearances. Pity belongs to the ones who takes their fear out on others or are amused by things most people would shun. Pity belongs to the weak of heart. I'm amazed how few out there seems to understand that.
I don't write this seeking 'admiration' for myself. I know there are those out there who've had a worse time in life than me, they are the ones to really admire. I just... once I mistook the pity in others eyes, as I told them my story, for disgust. Now it is that very pity that disgusts me. Secret sorrows is something we all carry. It's part of who we are.
... why would anyone want to pity that?
Well, this morning (or another morning, I don't remember really) I was watching TV. Or not really watching, I just wanted something to eat breakfast to. Anyway, I was happily zapping around, chewing on my piece of toast and drinking my tea, when I once more find an obvious lack of cartoons in the morning. Now, it's about 6 a.m. and I have noticed before, as well as been upset about it, that not only have they cut down on cartoons in all, but the ones they actually do air is aired disgustingly early. Do they really think that kids these days are awake at such hours?
But that wasn't really my point this time around. As I said, I was zapping around and I noticed something I found very weird. Did any of you know that they air MTV's X-rated at the same time as the morning cartoons? (X-rated is when the viewers can send in their names along with their partner's to find out their compability ratio in bed and it's somewhat crude at times... also, it's in Swedish)
I don't know why, but I found that disturbing. Imagine a child, somewhere around 7-10 years old, doing much the same as I was doing now, happily zapping around and suddenly finds that. I mean... seriously. That's just wrong.
Yeah, I know. Still a sucker for 'emo', I guess. ^^
But I have fallen in love with this music. The reason I started listening to them though is very simple.
I saw their video for "Monsoon" and sure enough, I loved the song first time I heard it, as soon as it started playing. Still, that's not the reason. The reason was, and still is, their lead singer, Bill Kaulitz.
When he first appeared in the video, I was stunned. I couldn't stop staring. I was... mesmerized by everything about him. He might be the fairest creature I have ever laid my eyes on. He is... simply beautiful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfMnM5Y2rw8
This is the video I first saw with them. And seriously. He's the reason God gave me eyes. <3
So no, I didn't have a very 'serious' reason for start listening to their music. But listen I did. And it would have been hard for me not to have fallen for it. I would not call it emo myself. Really. And I've certainly listened to my fair share of emo-bands in my life. >_<
Their German albums are by far better than their English, even though their english one is great too. But there is something very special, unique, in the combination of their music and their German lyrics. I've been very fond of German for a long time, and am still studying it. I think it is a beautiful language. But when Bill Kaulitz sings, he makes this otherwise harsh language seem so soft and I just... melt.
I would like to recommend them, but I doubt just anyone would enjoy their music.
But I do. I really, really do.
I just had to say it. ^^
(and I just realized my blog has turned into this weird thing where I simply list likes and dislikes. Sorry. ^^)
Applejack.
Yes. I am actually doing it, I am writing a tribute to My Little Pony. Those of you not interested can stop reading right now. I am going all out with my affection towards the ponies. ^^
*coughs*
Once upon a time there lived a little redhaired girl in Sweden who loved My Little Ponies. Years later that little girl grew up and loved My Little Ponies even more. Yes. It's true. I love MLP. Everything about them. Still. They are my collector-obsession. Yes. I do collect MLP as well. Of course. And guess what? I am not ashamed of it at all. :P
This all started acting up again for real about say, somewhere around... 8-10 years ago. I'm not entirely sure exactly when, but the weird thing was I kept having this strange dream about MLP's. After not having thought very much about them before, it felt very odd for me to suddenly start having this dream, because in fact it was only one dream that kept coming back to me. And I'm not kidding, I had this dream for months. So eventually I gave in. I brought my MLP's down from the attic and started collecting the videos with them, since pieces of that dream referred to two of the movies. At first it was only to get rid of the dream. But when I finally, years after it started, got my hands on the last movie, I was stuck again. ^^
(note; I'm not complaining ^^)
Now I have admitted to myself that I love them. And yes, I might be a bit obsessed with them too. But hey, we all have our little kinks, don't we? ^^
The reason I came up with this post at all was that I was searching Tradera (a Swedish auction webpage) for some things for my big project mentioned in Hungermorr and stumbled across Cherry Jubilee. Not one of her, but about three or four of her. And she's quite rare (to me, who is not as experienced as most other MLP-collectors are). Cherry Jubilee is my Holy pony-Grail. She and Applejack. What I wouldn't do to have them... but for some reason, they are only available when I can't buy them. >_<From here on, I will delve deeper into the intruiging world of My Little Pony and start talking about the dolls that I also collect. And I do have quite a few.
When I was a very little girl I used to play a lot at our neighbour's place. They were a family with two daughters roughly in me and my sisters age. These girls also had quite a collection of MLP's back then, even bigger than mine is now. And amongst these ponies was Applejack. So her I've loved ever since. And she's also in my favourite MLP-movie too. ^^
They also had Gusty, Heartthrob, Sundance and Lickety Split, who are also on my list of ponies to acquire. I have a very long list of those. Along with Firefly, North Star, Posey, Medley, Tex, Masquerade, Cherry Treats, Fizzy, and you get the picture of my very, very long list. ^^
Oh, and Sweet Stuff! She's a pony-Grail too. ^^
But putting all the ponies I don't have aside, Shady was always my favourite when I was little. Still is, and probably always will be. I used to bring her everywhere with me. Oh, and Sugarberry! I did the same with her. But when I was younger I could sit playing with all of my ponies or just some of them for hours and hours and never grow tired of them. I even used to bathe with them. ^^
Imagine that, a little five-year-old version of me in a huuuge bathtub and about, oh, 10-20 plastic pony dolls floating around along with the bubbles. You could hardly see the bathtub when all of those were in. ^^
Sometimes I even slept with all of them in my bed, just because I felt like I wanted to sleep with one of them in particular but then i felt bad for all of the other ponies that had to sleep in the box so I had to bring all of them to bed with me instead.
Yeah... I'm a bit creepy.
But I didn't just have the dolls. I had clothes, curtains, bed linen, movies, tapes, tapes with enclosed storybooks ("Titta. Lyssna. Läs." ^^), colouring books... you name it and I probably had it. Many of these things I still have, as a matter of fact. And I will NEVER ever get rid of them. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I'll never stop loving MLP. ^^
And I don't just collect the dolls. I love everything about MLP. Especially old storybooks and tapes and such. ^^ And I would just die to own a piece of clothing with the old school MLP on it. *wantsss*I recently discovered that they have released the old movies on DVD in Sweden now. Milia so happy. <3 Until recently you could only find the early 90's series on DVD. I myself though has only gotten a hold of one of them so far. But the plan is to catch them all. ;D
I feel as if I must take a moment to defend my honour (salvage what's left of it after this post anyways ^^). I do not, in any way, support what My Little Pony has become today. The MLP I -love- is the really old school stuff, from the 80's. But I like the ones from the early 90's too. They're cute. ^^ But the pimped-out glitterponies that are known for younger generations as My Little Pony is worth nothing to me. (I'm sorry, little ponies, please don't hate me :( )
I feel so nostalgic right now, you have no idea. I wish my ponies had moved down with me. I think I have to call home and see if I can get them down here. :)
Oh Lord, I really need to stop writing somewhere about now. But seriously. You people already know my tree doesn't go all the way to the top branch. XD
And this morning's conclusion; Milia = obsessive MLP-collector. ^^
Cherry Jubilee
I cut it off. I didn't mean to. I was just going to trim it a little so that my two lenghts were united. It became very short, yes, my love, short as in so much shorter I want to sink into a pit and die. Well, not all that bad. I was able to save a lot, even though got rid of nearly half of it.
All because of Charlize Theron. I hate her. Not really, but I miss my hair.
And yes, I am aware of how trivial this problem may seem to you all, but it isn't to me. I -love- my hair. If there is anything I love, or even like, about myself then it would be my hair. So to me, it is a big deal. Though as I said, it is not all that bad. I managed to make it look a lot better than it could have. By me Lord, it could have been boy-short! And if that had occurred I would have jumped from the balcony. Seriously.
My mother and I, who by the way helped me cut my hair right, have engaged in a sort of suicide pact. To me, it feels like one, especially tonight. I fear that I might not be able to go through with it.
(not only fear, i'm quite certain of it :P Sorry, mum)
Another thing I'm going to mention now is that yesterday my mother got me this really silly girlmagazine since it had stickers with Happy Bunny and I adore Happy Bunny. But when I skimmed through it, from nostalgia-reasons, I got more and more upset as I went. What the hell are they thinking, the people giving out this magazine?? It is intended for girls between ages 8-12-14 or something like that and what are they writing about? I'll tell you what the fuck they are writing about. How to best put your makeup on and clothing tips that makes you look slimmer, among other, equally stupid, things. How the fuck are they allowed to publish this piece of shit?
Personally, I think most magazines with these things in, intended for adults, are just... stupid. But I can't, for all the adoration of me Lord, understand what is going through those people's mind when they unleash this upon girls that age. If anything, they should be ashamed of themselves, for making a profit of turning little girls into neurotic wannabe-'adults', worrying about their looks when they should be out playing instead. Honestly, people... how do you sleep at night?
Anyways. I'm not supposed to update for real this time either, although I happened to have a lot to say about that idiotic magazine, but it is coming a very long post on what I've been doing up here lately and I'm not doing much else than watch movies right now.
But I did see an earthworm today. :)
I was sitting out back with my boys on the grass when it suddenly appeared in front of me. I was kind of surprised, I have never seen a worm in the grass like that before. It was really, really cute. ^^
So I picked him up and moved him a bit, showed him briefly to my boys, but not long since the whole point of moving the poor thing was so that they wouldn't eat him up. ^^
Here's the tricky part. When I put him down, he disappeared! Not quite into thin air I guess, but rather into the ground but still. It was pretty cool. ^^
No, I did not find it interesting because I am bored. I found it interesting because I am silly. ^^
Miss you still. <3>
For returning my strength to me. Since I talked to you it all seems so much brighter. The colours are sliding back into their places. And all you did was talk to me.
Thank you, Nahal. For not forgetting me in this barren place. You make my world a better place, wherever I may be. <3
It doesn't take that much from you. I just need... kind words once in a while.
And now for something completly different. ^^
This is the part where I have written something else that you find so wonderfully charming and witty that you can't help but adoring me even more than you ever have before and become awfully smitten with my irresistable presence, causing you to miss me terribly while I am gone. So let's pretend a while, people. ^^
Kisses
This really, really cheered me up. XD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx1XIm6q4r4
(watch the Dumbledore, trust me ;D )
I think I lost track of time. How easy it is to lose something you hold so dear into the gray surroundings..
Anyway, I watched "Van Helsing" last night. It sucked, much as it did the first time I saw it. I am very disappointed in Hugh Jackman for doing this movie. Not that he does a bad performance, but because it is a bad movie and Kate Beckinsale is in it. She is one of the suckiest actresses I have ever seen. She belongs in those epic Harlequin-movie you want to claw your eyes out after watching ten minutes of it (yes, I'm talking about "Pearl Harbor"). She does not belong in a movie where she is supposed to play a strong and tough woman, because she's not. Although, to be fair I think she did develop her 'talent' a lot through the Underworld-movies. She doesn't suck all too bad in those actually. But I still don't like her. :P
And oh dear Lord, that fake accent of hers is killing me in this movie. Almost all the accents in the movie is so horrible. Not to mention all the animated stunts, that's even worse.
But I have watched this movie more than once so it's not a complete waste. Although I was sewing at the same time as I watched it this time around, so I wasn't really paying attention. :P
I also managed to watch "Transformers" and what an awesome movie that was. Really. I thought it was so great. Especially the voices of all the autobots. And I cried, gods, how I cried near the ending. I know I tend to cry a lot and easily, but still. ^^
You just have to see this movie. It rocked. And I so want to read the comic again. :)
the only downside is me and my imagination, because now I'm even more paranoid about the Beavercars, lurking in the darkness, plotting my doom...
I also saw a piece of a movie yesterday called "Uptown girl" or something like that. I had no idea what it was about but it was something with Brittany Murphy being a famous rockers daughter and working as a nanny for some reason I didn't care to remember. I'm sure it was mentioned but frankly, I don't care. The reason I'm mentioning this at all is Dakota Fanning. That girl is a terrific actor at such an early age. There was a scene in the end where her character had some sort of ballet performance and she was great. I admire her work since some time ago, and I must say that she has actually climbed onto my list of favourite actors. And once on it, there's no going back. ^^
I have no idea why anyone should find this interesting to read, but then again, I have no idea why anyone would want to read any of the junk I put in here. I mean seriously. It's a load of... blank, most of the †ıme. All the time.
And noticing how I don't seem to have anything more interesting to write about in my blog than what movies I watch (which are actually quite a few when I look back o_O) I thought about writing some thing of more interest but much to my own dismay I realized I don't have anything better to write about. I am a very boring person in a very boring town. Yeah. I hate this town. I get so depressed up here, despite having my family around. Sometimes I wonder how long it would take me to become suicidal again when I'm here (doubting it would take very long, nearly there already), but I'm going to ramble on about something happier that no one care about. ^^
There is a ladybug living in my room with me. I have named him Frank and sometimes I talk to him when my precious isn't around because it doesn't feel quite as bad as talking to myself. He's a really nice guy. Or girl, I don't know how to see such things with ladybugs. But his or hers name will still be Frank. Should he turn out to be a she, I'll add an -ie at the end. ^^
My GOD, how boring I am.
I think I'll stop writing right here, right now, so that maybe, just maybe, I'll still have friends when i come home. >_<
Anyway, I still miss you, hunnies. <3
(and sorry for inflicting the horrors of my blog upon you ^^)
So. As most of you know, I'm not in Gävle anymore.
I've been travelling north to collect my little Heartbeat, passing Umeå and now I'm in Kiruna again.
The town itself is just as gray and dull as I remember it, and the greeting committee was entirely made out of mosquitoes where I had expected none at all.
Anyhow, here's an update of things I've been entertaining myself with;
I usually don't watch Swedish movies. I'm not sure of exactly why, but I'm pretty confident it is because they suck. If you take about 50 Swedish movies, you have maybe, just maybe, 4 good movies, 4 that doesn't feel like a complete waste of time, 10 that isn't good nor bad just not anything at all, and the rest of them suck. Big time. At least that's my point of view and I'm sticking by it.
Despite this I have seen two Swedish movies since I left home. One of them was showed on the bus, a comedy called "7 miljonärer" (millionaires), and it was actually funny. Maybe not so much from the start, but who am I to complain? ^^
The best thing of the entire movie was Tiger-Sven, the Russian hitman/kindergarten teacher. Really. <3
The other movie was "Beck - Okänd avsändare" and this is one of the movies I could have lived without. Peter Haber and Mikael Persbrandt are two really good actors but unfortunately can't their efforts carry the entire movie, including a story that we heard before in so many ways.
Another movie on the bus was "Tara Road" and I can put you out of two hours misery by saying; Don't watch it. It sucked. So much. So bad. My entire blog, filled with my self-centered ramblings of my boredom and silliness, is so much better than half a minute of that crappy movie. Trust me.
"The Sword and the Sorcerer" was a movie I thought would suck like the previous mentioned one but it didn't. Of course, it wasn't a very good movie but it entertained me at least, which is a whole lot more than that piece of... blank. Anyhow, the hero of the movie receives an heirloom sword from his dying father (the king, of course) at the beginning. No surprises, one may think, neither is that it is a very special sword. What I never would have seen coming though, is what an impractical and clumsy sword it seemed to be. You see, it was a three-bladed sword. Not edged, but bladed. One hilt, three blades. But when the special use of those extra blades were to dazzle me... I laughed out loud. Big, long time.
Otherwise the highlights of the movie were the credits ("A drunk", "Bar-Bro" etc.) and a scene where the heroine was about to be raped, the hero walks in, spontaneously chewing on a huge piece of meat and upon seeing him one of the rapers say something like "get out of here or else". The hero responds with "That's a small threat.". Then he takes a closer look at the half-naked man and with a wicked smile he says; "That's a really small threat." XD
I also managed to catch "Fantastic Four" and it wasn't at all as bad as I thought it would be. But then again, I carry this... aversion against Jessica Alba that might have rubbed of against the mvie before watching it. I don't think she's that hot either, honestly. Not ugly, but not really that pretty. Her character in this movie though suited her, transforming from what was supposed to be a confident and independent woman into a whimpering damsel in distress by the end. The character was so typical her kind of actresses too, but Hollywood, face it. No matter how hot or sexy a person is deemed to be, stupid people can't act smart. >_<
Otherwise, I loved the scene where Chris Evans takes his nurse skiing. He's kind of cool in this movie. ^^ Another thing I love is that Julian McMahon plays Victor von Doom. I like him. :)
The last movie to be mentioned was also the greatest. Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto".
I'm not sure what can be said about this movie. I... loved it. Even though I was a bit distracted by the company and despite some scenes forced me to look away, it was an excellent movie in so many ways I don't know where to start.
As I have mentioned before, some things make me feel... ashamed to be human. Sometimes people disgust me, often religious people disgust me more. The ones who will stop for nothing in the name of their God (as in "Silent Hill"), and fouler yet are the ones that have crossed that line of simply committing these abominations upon life to actually enjoy it, take pleasure from it.
This movie does carry some of these people, but it carries them well. There is so much beauty in all it's vile brutality. And not the kind of violence you can admire in a way, but a violence that still makes you sick despite it's aesthetic performance.
A separate worth of mentioning is Rudy Youngblood who plays the main character, Jaguar Paw.
He was absolutely perfect in this role. Not only is he deadsmexy (^^), but he has such incredible eyes. That one man can show such a wide range of emotions with naught but his eyes is astonishing. If I were to meet him on the street I don't think I could feel more exposed if I actuallyy had stood before him naked. I might be in love, yes. ^^ And yes, I do have a thing for beautiful eyes (like Elijah's *drool*).
All in all though, despite having some scenes I couldn't bear to watch this is definitely a movie I would have regretted to miss. So strongly recommended.
And just to inform you, no, I haven't just watched movies while I've been away. watched a lot of movies though, accompanied by the rattling dices of my mother and her aunt, Siv, playing Yatzy all weekend long. ^^ I have read a book as well, thank you very much. :P
"Dune" by Frank Herbert was the book I read.
I was expecting a well-written book, not just because I trust the one who recommended it, but because I have read another book by this author when i was younger. Despite this, I was surprised. I loved so much of the story itself, as well as how it had been written. I found myself reading the book in many different levels yet still it feels as if I haven't covered them all. Another thing surprising me was even though I knew it was fiction, a novel written to entertain, I actually believed what he wrote. It all made such perfect sense in so many ways I somehow carried pieces of that logic with me after I had put the book down and surfaced the real world again.
I really, really liked this book. Thank you for recommending it to me. <3
Anyways...
... my weekend passed and I have survived all the way to Kiruna. Friday we went strolling in town, and I naturally found my way to their bookstore. That's one of the best bookstores I've ever been to. And that is saying a lot. I bought four nice books that i'll probably end up reading here in Kiruna, but still. ^^
Saturday I met my captain Chade and spent some time with him in his cabin after finally finding my way there. :P It was a long and perilous journey, but I managed to find him in the end, don't worry. That was kind of nice.
And yesterday i finally arrived. Can words express how happy He makes me? I don't think so. He is the reason my heart keeps beating, keeps trying, and without him I would be nothing. As I write he is resting in my lap, in a small patch of sun that enters through a crowded window. He snores. I'm happy.
... but I still miss you, hunnies.
PS. iIm currently writing on a Mac, so cut me some slack with all my errors today DS
Today I was at ICA Maxi for the first time, strolling around just doing nothing really. We went there because we saw something about a special offer on movies this week so we wanted to check it out.
And what do I find? What do I find??
WE <3 Katamari is what I found for no more than 99SEK (in comparison of 549SEK online). I shouldn't have bought it. I should have. I shouldn't. But I DID. And if I hadn't I probably would have cried myself to sleep for a month and then some. Thank you for showing it to me, precious. <3
Now there's a game who might, just might, be able to compete with my love for Harvest Moon and my redhaired wife in it. It is so adorable, so much fun and have really cute music.
Although I won't be evaluating it here right now, I'm going to play it first. But you can definately look forward to a reeeeeeeaaaaally long post about it later on.
But, soon I will be going away and new posts might be absent for a while. I know, I know, but grieve not, my hunnies, for I will be back. You won't even have noticed I'm gone. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. ^^
Because I will miss you so terribly much that I'll probably listen to Air Supply at least a couple of times a day and cry about it. No, I mean, er... I will be having so much fun I won't have time to miss you. I'm not desperate. I have friends!
I have you. ^^
<3
