Reinventing Myself

It's no secret to anyone I don't like my appearance. At all.
So I'm trying this time. I have dropped the weight. I have the hair, and in the right colour too. My complexion has cleared up to a point that it hasn't been this good since before puberty. I have everything going for me now, so maybe it's time I start caring about how I look. Not that I didn't before... but this time I want to be one of those girls who are in control of how they look with so little effort. Though it will take a great effort for me to even get halfway there, heh.
Still. I'm going to try, for real this time.

I watched a movie with Greta Garbo earlier, "Anna Karenina". Actually, it's the first movie with her I have ever seen. Of course I knew who she was, how she looked and so on, but I've only seen her in still photographs. ... and I loved her. Really. She's got true starquality. It wasn't just about looks with her, because sure, she's got that gorgeous classic look I could die for, but there was something more. It was like whenever she appeared in a room every other actor seemed to blend into the background until she directed her attention to them. It was truly amazing.
I think I have myself a rolemodel for the first time in my life. A conscious one that is, considering I grew up actually admiring people like Traci Lords, Pamela Anderson and Christina Applegate while she was still with the Bundy's. >_< I still admire Traci Lords, but for other reasons and not so much as a rolemodel-type. (... weird how they're all blondes, huh?) But seeing Garbo I felt that I want to be like her. She's graceful, timeless, beautiful, lovely, respected and simply... flawless. I want that, but I cannot carry it the same way she does. Thus my struggle to achieve such perfection is most likely doomed from the very beginning. Although that doesn't mean that I won't try. There's no harm in trying and who knows? Maybe something good might come from it.

Memories of Music

Have you ever noticed how often music we have listened to is related to a situation or a feeling that we were having at the time?

I love music. I live for music. I have it in my blood, flowing in my veins to the rythm of my heart. I try to explain it, yet I fail everytime. I am nothing without it. Or so it feels.
I also love all kinds of music. Really, I'm not kidding. I do listen to everything. At least when speaking of genres. And I love when I get to know people who recommend music to me or gives me music that I myself wouldn't have found or perhaps even looked for (so much music, so little time). Though because of that, I also have a tendency of relating people to music. When I hear a certain song or a certain artist I remember the person who first presented them to me, or rather who made me really listen to the music. But it doesn't end there. When I speak of former aquaintances, I refer to them together with the music they introduced me to. I haven't been aware of that until this very summer actually. It happens so casual, I don't notice it myself. In the middle of a sentence, when I'm talking about something in my past it suddenly appears; "... a guy/girl named Something, who by the way was the one who got me listening to this artist/genre, blah blah..."
Some people have called me rude when I've told them about this. I think it is the opposite, because at least I remember them. Honestly, I would have forgotten a lot of those people if it weren't for the music. If I can't relate to people, if they haven't made a lasting impression, they fall out of my memory. It is a simple human mechanism that we all have. And I relate to music.

When I first hear a song, the first thing I listen to is the vocals and the lyrics (unless there's some other element that catches my attention). Not so very odd since I am a vocalist from the heart myself. Second time around, I listen to the music and in time I start focusing on different instruments that are played, one at a time. So I can't say I've heard a song until I've listened to it more than five times. And everytime I experience it in different ways until I know it. When I do, it etches itself into me and becomes a part of me, either as a memory or as a feeling. In the latter part, sometimes it doesn't matter what feeling the tune itself is carrying because there are so much emotions surging from other reasons. Those are what emotions that lingers with the song in the end, while other times it is the song itself that speaks to me.

Now, for some time now the speakers to my computers have been malfunctioning and now I have no sound at all coming from them. Some people don't bother with it anyway. Most of my musician friends wouldn't care, they prefer to play music without the aid of a computer. But I have my entire music collection within my computer. Every CD's I ever had lies in it, whilst the CD's themselves... well, most of them I have left in Kiruna. So you can see my predicament? I have no music. Well, almost no music. And that's where we get to the point.

I have a portable CD-player, which has not been doing very much since I got my mp3-player, but now I revived it. I do have some CD's with me. My favourite ones and a bunch of old CD's I made when I didn't have a mp3-player. I went through that lot yesterday, to see what I find. And I found a lot of old songs I loved. So naturally I play them.
... what I conveniently forgot though was approximately how long ago I made them. What period it was when I actually used to listen to these specific songs.

Curious?
It was five years ago, quite precisely. Doesn't tell you all that much, does it?
Five years ago I plunged into a darkness so dense I'm still not out of it. I have been crawling to get out of that pit for five years. I was already crawling before that but nothing, truly nothing, can compare with that period.
When I looked at these CD's, what songs were on them, I kind of knew how much feelings were imprinted in them, but hey, that was years ago. Doesn't matter now, I thought. So I played them. And all the memories came back. All the anxiety, the fear, the bone-deep sorrow, the itching beneath my skin that craves for blood which I have so successfully been able to ignore for so long.
I hear a certain song and I can remember what scars on my body I made to it. Not because I cut myself to music, but because I'm never without music. And I played that same CD when I did it.
I hear another song and I remember all the flashbacks of Rose I had from it that crushed me over and over. Yet another song, and I remember how it played while I unconsciously tried to drown myself when bathing. And when I hear Rogue's mournful voice wondering where his angel is, I crumble and fall to pieces. It's just too much. I can't bear it, but I can't turn it off. It still gets that powerful a hold over me, that anguish that tormented me then, after all these years. It feels almost alive, like a demon lurking in the corners of my mind just waiting for the right moment to strike. And a realization dawns upon me, filling me with a dread I haven't felt for years.

But it wasn't all that bad. I also found a CD filled with happy music my Mrii sent to me. I found a CD with mixed songs Sofi and Suss sent me, and a CD with party songs me, a friend of mine, my sister and her best friend always listened to when we were all girly and dressing up to go out. I even found the CD I brought with me first time I went to Stockholm to meet with all the crazy people I love now. ^^

That's why it hit me, how much feelings I insert into songs. I won't say that it is the song that inserts the feelings in me like that, because I don't think it works that way. Sometimes I can remember events, places, and how I felt in a certain memory as well as simple feelings. Some songs make me happy, simply because that is how they make me feel but often they make me so because I remember something that makes me feel happy. Although had I listened to the very same song while I feel down that is what I'll remember. Despite what you may think, the songs filling me with that anxiety is not just 'emo'-songs or depressing ones. A lot of them are filled with that happy upbeat feeling, but to me they are filled with pain and mental distress. It works the other way around too. Listening to an incredible depressing song at the right time or in a good company, I feel happy everytime I hear it. Which might be why some people gives me those weird glances when I walk around in a store that's playing the most depressing song ever on the radio and I just smile, listening to it.

I heard once that scientists claim that the sense we relate most of our memories to is smell. I don't really doubt that, nor contradict it, but it feels a little off to me since my memories are more connected to music than to smells. Though since music isn't a sense and my hearing is severly lacking memorability due to my short attention-span, I won't argue. :)

Baby's Got Back

Damn, my ass is hot!

No, seriously. It's like so hot, even I have trouble keeping my hands off.
I think I might have begun climbing my confidence-peak, for the first time since... well ever. I've never been this hot. Honestly. I'm the goddess of smexy. Oh, I liked the ring of that. The goddess of smexy. Oh yeah...

The real weird thing about this though... is that I actually mean it. I'm not just saying it.
I really rock. My ass rock. So hard.

....

DAMN, I'm so foxey. ^^

Snow Leopards

Today I was talking to my beautiful FairySister Mrii (as in a real friend of mine under alias, not an imaginary one... at least I hope not, but she is almost too good to be true ^^), and she sent me a link to one of the sweetest websites ever.
As most of you know, I'm a die-hard fan of big cats and of saving the big cats. Which is why I love this site so much.

http://www.snowleopard.org/

The site contains all sorts of things. Information about the organisation, about the snow leopards, a photo gallery, a shop where you buy native handmade products and best of all - adopt snow leopards. As soon as I get back on track, I am -so- adopting a snow leopard. I really love organisations like this, and adoption options when saving endangered (or soon-to-be-endangered) species because it actually makes you feel like a part of it. You know somehow that you have made a difference, because you get... validation. Anyway, awesome site. Milia Loves.

Girl Genius

"... not unless she danced nekked through de ruins vile trying to shoot down de moon, turned all de tourists into monsters - and den built a very dangerous fountain out of sausages."

- Captain Vole


Love. Just... love.

http://girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php

Home

Yeah, I'm back home again. With that I mean in Kiruna.
Today it is snowing so much I'm having trouble seeing City Hall, which by the way is just across the street and a very big building. A couple of days ago, it was that treacherous beautiful winter weather outside where it looks so warm and inviting that you just want to go outside and play, but in reality it is just a way for it to lure you outside so that it can smother you with its chill. When I first got here I probably didn't do anything other than freezing my everything off, with the exception of that very evening when I was heated by dancing and alcohol and cute guys. ^^
It took me a couple of days for my physique to readjust to the new environment, but I don't have any problems with that now. What I do have problems with on the other hand is my lungs who are having huge difficulties with adjusting. Okay, it's not so much difficulties as they are refusing, but still.

On the plus side though, I don't think I have ever felt this comfortable with my appearance as I do right now. I'm even hot in the morning when I get up without primping. ^^
So let's face it... I'm goddamn gorgeous. People should be grateful that there is someone as hot as me. I rock. Seriously. And yes, I have reached an understanding with my boobs too. They don't shrink beneath a D-cup and I don't get implants. ;D
I've even been running around braless because I'm still smexy without it. I'm actually so incredibly smexy right now that it's a wonder I'm not kidnapped as soon as I step outside. But then again, my smexiness is out of this world. People dare not touch me in fear of divine retribution. ^^

So what do I do when I'm up here?
Let's see... first day I went dancing, second I slept, third I slept, fourth I... slept, fifth I visited my grandmother who is home alone since my grandfather is in the hospital, sixth we went to the vet and trimmed my darlings claws then I slept, seventh is today and I was supposed to stroll around in town but with all this snow I didn't quite feel like it.
But I have been able to write a lot. Tomorrow, or maybe even today since I'm grounded ^^, I'm doing some work on the Ruffe Saga because I managed to sort of the problems I've been having with it. And that feels great.

Later today, I'm going to see "The Chronicles of Riddick". I've been wanting to see it since it was made, because "Pitch Black" is one of my absolute favourite movies through all my time. Vin Diesel does an awesome job in that movie. i just hope he keeps up the good work. ^^
And when watching that, I will be eating Ben&Jerry's chocolatefudge ice-cream. Mrrr. Simply thinking about it makes my knees go all wobbly...

And you know what?

Only 49 days left now. *smiles*

Concerning Breasts.

It is always hard to realize things about yourself, especially when one is as me. But this time it feels even harder.
I have grown to have somewhat of a positive attitude about my looks. Compared to before, that is. See, I know I'm not exactly pretty, but I'm fairly convinced that I am somewhere above average. I would in no way refer to myself as ugly because even though it feels that way at times, I know there are those who have it worse than me.
But I always had one thing going for me, and one thing only. I have reeeeeally nice boobs. I've had boobs since I was eight, and as some of you know it's not always a good thing. You see, I was also a reeeeally ugly kid. I would pick on me myself if it wasn't for the fact that, well... I am me. Seriously. I was that ugly. And I was told so everyday. In fact, the only thing ever appreciated was the fact that I have a relatively large bosom. So I have taken so much pride in them, because they're pretty much one of the very few things, if not the only, I like about myself. When it turns out that others also liked them, I took even more pride in them.
Yes, I know I should have a wee bit more confidence and I know I'm being far too honest in public right now. But here's the thing.
Due to certain circumstances in my life at current, I have lost a lot of weight. I've been wanting to, since I gained a lot of weight a while ago that I haven't really been able to lose. But losing weight means fat reduction. And what's the main thing on a woman's body that consist mostly out fat? That's right. Breasts.
I've been feeling uncomfortable with myself, more so than usual, for a couple of weeks now without being able to pinpoint why. Now I know. My breasts have gotten smaller. Not small (in other people's opinion), but smaller. And I don't really have proof since I haven't worn a bra in like... weeks. But I can feel it. Sense it, if you will. They're not weighing me down as much. They feel so... different. And I reeeeeally don't like it.
Because... if you take away my boobs, then I have nothing left at all going for my looks. I know, I know, it's wrong to put so much of my confidence in one thing, but they really have been my pride since I first got them. Not because of others, but because - I - love them. Honestly, there's no part of my body I feel so comfortable with as them. Always have been. Coming from me, that's a lot, because I have a real low self-esteem. So low it's more often self-loathing than self-esteem. Even more so now, heh.
And it's weird to think, since I've complained so much about it, but I would actually rather gain weight again than lose them.

Once again, I have no idea why I write about this. I mean, first of all, why would anyone want to read about my breasts when they're shrinking? Otherwise, anyone would be happy reading about them since my breasts are so awesome. I mean, seriously. My boobs rock. Second of all, self-pity is never appreciated, which I would say this is a lot of. And I really don't want to talk about it, so if anyone of you write anything encouraging, attempted flattery or just...anything, I will probably end up erasing it. So just pretend you never read this so I can get it out of my system without talking about it.

Concerning Irrelevance

Sometimes I am amazed by the irrelevance of this blog. I have absolutely nothing to contribute to the world, yet still I inflict my blog upon it. What has it ever done to deserve such a horror?
Well, what did the world do to deserve the Seven Plagues?
When you consider the matter in that light, my terror isn't nearly as bad and I feel kind of good about myself. Although for some reason I have been feeling a bit... biblical lately. I believe it is time for me to learn more about stories and legends of other religions so I can start refer to them as well. Schools should teach more of that and less of christianity. A little more variation, please.

To return to irrelevance, I read through some of my earlier posts and I realized what nonsense I have written. Half of it doesn't even make sense, when read as written. And the lack of updates of my life, the only thing that interests those who read this, has apparently caused a grave amount of distress, as some of you readers have voiced very loudly to me.
But to be honest... I have a very uninteresting life right now. Or, well, I do have some elements of interest going on, but nothing I feel like sharing in public. I must be one of the most boring persons in the entire blog-society. But I actually never have anything interesting to say. Or I have lots, but due to my five-seconds-attention-span it disappears somewhere into the oblivion that is my conciousness. I think my mind is like a black hole... things get sucked in and mysteriously disappears. Well, not exactly disappears, I am quite certain that it stays in the black hole of my mind, since it resurface briefly at times, when needed. But I may very well be unable to recall it on my own. I don't know, I don't usually try. Probably because of previously mentioned attention span.

Even though I lead a very uninteresting life with a very chaotic mind, people are wrong to assume that I am, well, dumb. Because in contrary of what my blog may present me as, I am rather intelligent beneath the surface, and if I would want to be I can also be very serious. Still, I fear my irrelevance haunt those two traits in me as well. Probably because I tend to get bored very easily. Probably because I am a very creative person. I need a certain level of... not quite intellectual, but... let's say creational challenge of a sort, to keep things interesting to me.

Friends and loved ones often tells me that I talk a lot and that I talk fast.
Should any one of them actually get a preview of how my mind works they would realize that I kind of have to, just to keep up with what's going on inside. The speed of my thinking would give a new meaning to the phrase "my mind is racing". So when one take this into consideration, it may not be as surprising that my posts are very irrelevant. It may start out with one thing that does make sense, but halfwaythrough I have completely forgotten what that one thing was and continued with a dozen other things that have nothing to do with what I started writing about at all.
Huh. Maybe that's why I suck at writing reports in school.

So... what does this have to do with you readers?
That's simple. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I have no idea why I write this entry. It's no more than yet another uninteresting post in the long line of irrelevance that precedes it. Maybe I'm feeling philosophical. Maybe I'm bored. Who knows? (Who cares?)

Did I have a point in writing this at all?
I suppose I did. But you know, with an attention-span like mine, one can never tell what I intend with anything I do.
It's most likely a lost cause the very minute I start it, because everything I begin seems to get a life of it's own after a while and if I ever am able to remember what its purpose was, I find that the finished product rarely is what it was intended to be.

Although, it takes about five seconds and then I don't really care anymore at the moment.


Oooh! Ice-cream truck! :D :D :D

The Horde Wars

So... I read a new book. Actually, I read a trilogy of books. By Sherri L. King. A friend of mine had recommended these books for me as good fantasy. Imagine my surprise when about 30 pages into the first one, "Ravenous", a very detailed act of wild, savage making out pops up. Yeah... I was kind of surprised. Mostly of how she had written it. I was almost about to stop reading, dismissing it as a genre best described in my native tongue. 'Tantsnusk'. But there was something more that caught my interest, even before I could put my finger to what. I read the whole book, but about halfways through I realized my suspicion was true. This was not a fantasy novel. This was porn. Forget that mellow romance-porn-thingie that Harlequin publish, where cleaned up phrases like "his quivering member" appears. This was outright porn. Female-written of course, but porn nonetheless.
Yet I still found myself swallowing (haha ^^) page after page and before I knew it, I had read the entire first book. Not only that, I immediately proceeded to the next one, "Wanton Fire".

I will admit that I was equally fascinated by the development of the storyline as I was by the development of their sexlife. Despite what many people think of me, that is actually not like me. Sure, I do read erotica, I can stand for that fact. But more as a pastime than anything else. It never really... sticks. But this did, and it took me a while before I started wondering why this was so different. I came to the conclusion that yes, it's porn, but it's very well-written porn. I actually got more turned on by the words than the acts themselves. :P
Really, the way she uses the words so vividly was enchanting. I have never read so many different ways to describe sexual acts, so even though every ten or twenty pages they had sex for five to ten pages, it never got boring or repetitive, every time was like the first time. And I did find it amusing at several times during their... explorations. I leave it at that for your sake, precious. ^^

When I came to the end of "Razor's Edge" though, I was incredibly disappointed. It just... ended. Just like that. I can't begin to explain how deeply frustrated I became. I was all like... wait? What happened with R? And who was the man in black? And the Horde, what happened to the rest of the Horde? Noooooo! You can't do this to me!!

I really, really hate it when I read a book that in the end leaves a lot of loose ends. Some people like that, since they can use their own imagination, but for me it's more... it's not my story, thus I cannot know how it ends. I can't fill in the empty gaps, because it makes it less... real. I have a very complicated relationship to books and stories and such. Ask me some day and I might try to explain it. Anyway, back to my frustration.
I got a little obsessed by this massive disappointment and had to check out if there are more books in this serie. What do I learn instead? She is not an outright fantasy-author as I was lead to believe. She is in fact an erotic romance-author, who prefers fantastic settings. Almost the same, but with a distinct difference, I was told. ... yeah. Who cares?
But more importantly, I also learned that there are in fact two more books in the series, "Sacred Eden" and "Lord of the Deep". That was a relief. ^^

I liked these books. I really, really liked these books. :)
Or I might just be itching to know what happens in the next two books, but either way I obviously want to read more. Although, with me you never know if it is because the books are actually that good or if I simply have taken a liking to them for my own reasons. ^^
But again, I liked them and that's all I care about. ;D



And come to think of it... doesn't the intro to Rescue Rangers sound an awful lot like the intro to McGyver?

Remembrance.

On this day, five years ago, I died.


Five years. Can you imagine, love? That it has already been so long ago?
I can't. It still feels as if you will be there if I only turn around. Though at the same time I am so very aware of your absence. There is a huge aching void in my heart reminding me every day.
It never goes away. The pain. It has not faded. I have not numbed. It burns my inside constantly. Sometimes it still knocks the air out of me, and I grow weak. I guess there are wounds even time cannot heal. ... as if I didn't know.

It still happens that I dial your number before realizing that you are not there to answer my call. And it hits me like a thousand bricks, every time. I should be used to it by now. Shouldn't I?
Yet it still breaks my heart every time I remember reality. Remember...
I hate the memories, for they are all I have left. I hate the tears, brought forth by the emptiness you left behind. And I hate... that not a day goes by without me missing you so much it actually does hurt.

Five years... and I'm still bleeding.

If I could I would give all I have for one more day with you, one hour, one moment, one... last look... upon your smile.
I do not mean to wallow in my grief. I do not wish for it to linger as it does. But how can it not? You were my everything. The single thing that kept my chalice from shattering was you and the one thing now keeping the pieces apart is... you.
... your fate broke me.

Even now I am struggling with the aftermath of that loss. But I have accepted my fate now. And gradually, it is getting easier to breathe. The pain is no longer crushing my chest, it is reduced to simple mental distress. Simple... heh.

I pray, to whatever deity that holds you now, that you are well. That you may truly rest in peace and that none of your past pains torments you now. I hope that you have met up with Ember and the others. I know that you can tell I am trying. I know you know... everything.
I do bare my soul a little too much, don't I? You always told me I was bad at speaking my heart rather than my mind. I still am. Despite this.

Mourning you comes in such abundance I cannot contain it all. It is bound to leak out of me. And I don't mind. But I would rather that they know of the you I loved than the you I lament.

This day in my life is for you. Every year it has been for you, every year it will be for you. I will not forget all the joys you brought into my life. All the relief, the happiness, the love... I will remember until the day I join you. Where the heavens meet the earth, right? One day I'll meet you there, my love. One day...

Until then;

In Remembrance

Angel

2002-10-03



I love you.

I hate that you hesitated... because of them.

HARVEST MOON

Hehe.

Hehehehe.

Mwahaha! +_+

Finally...
I finally had the time to finish it. I've been so excited over it for so long, but now that it's over I feel kind of sad. Though... this wasn't the kind of game I would play again, despite loving it. This is a game more to experience than anything else.

I really had no idea what to expect at first. I was simply going to try it out a little, but... I ended up playing it for 10 hours straight the first time I 'tried it on'. Which was not at all what I was supposed to do at the time, yet I couldn't tear myself away from the screen. ^^ So what is it about this game that is so incredible? I actually don't know. There is no predetermined story developing as it runs its course, as most games I come to love. There's actually not that much happening at all. It's mostly based on everyday routines.

I had no idea what I was supposed to do at first either. So I didn't really do that much. I chopped some wood, crushed some stones, grew some vegetables and stuff like that. And of course, I fell in love. With the redhaired daughter of the tool shop owner. Ann was her name. I knew from the start that you could court the girls in the village. They told me so, that I should find a girl to settle down with. So I went around and talked to all the girls but... I knew the first time I laid eyes on her that she was the one. ^^
There was another girl who also caught my eye, though not in the same way. Maria, who spent most of her time at church. Somehow she felt so... sad. So I took my time talking to her when in town, on rare occasions I even gave her little gifts. And she seemed to open up, become a little happier. Which made me a little happier. Isn't that weird? I can't help myself, even in a silly game.

Anyway, I started courting my redhaired maiden. I gave her presents as often as I could, danced with her (and only her) at the festivals and everytime I went into town, whatever business I was there for, I always took time to visit her. And finally, after making my house bigger twice so a family could fit, I was able to propose to her. I was heartbroken when she asked my to come back that weekend. I was sure she was going to turn me down. But when I came back, once again asking for her hand in marriage, she replied;
"Are you sure? I mean... me?"
My heart melted and I sort of wanted to reply that I have never been as sure of anything in my life. But I am sure that was what he said when I wasn't looking. ^^

We got married and she moved into my house. She was the perfect wife. Every morning she reminded me of things I should do or keep in mind, and during the days she sits in my toolshed, trying to invent better tools to help me with my work. She also thanked me every night for my hard work before we went to bed together. And from time to time she would say things like; 'I have to do my best today also' or 'I hope I'll be able to cook better step by step. ...please be patient.' or 'Darling, please take care of yourself.'. The very first morning with her she tried it on for the first time, saying 'D-d-darling'.

My darling & me

Kyyyyaa. I love her so much. ^^ So I make sure to give her presents everyday, and that I'm home in time to go to bed together. Afterwards, I found out that was something you -had to- do for her not to divorce you. But I would have done it anyway. I might've spoiled her even. But she's totally worth it. Totally. <3
One morning, out of the blue, she said to me;
"Well... Uummm... say... I... umm... I guess I'm pregnant."
I was really happy. I was going to be a dad. ^^ Unfortunately there wasn't enough time left in the game in order for me to see my son being born, but I'm happy enough knowing he was on his way.
In real life though, she has become my rolemodel. I want to become a loving wife just like her. :)

Something I also became attached to was the cows. In the end, I had 12 cows. And every morning I milked them, petted them, fed them and talked to them. All 12 cows had their own personalities to me, even though they were simple replicas in a game. Which is a part of why I loved this game so much. All of my cows were named with utmost care, perhaps that was why I became so fond of them.
My first three cows were Lori, Meli and Cami. Lori had a habit of walking into the other cows' booths, and since she was the only mother I interpreted it as motherly care. Cami was a social wanderer, walking around all over the place while Meli mostly stayed in her place. She always had that habit, even in real life. My next three cows were Jeni, Vaji and Honi. Honi is the daughter of Lori, the only cow I breed myself, therefore Hon-i(ey). Jeni is named after my big sister and Vaji was named from the spanish 'vaja'. Vaji mostly hung around the food box, probably munching away while I wasn't looking. The next three cows was Puni, Rani and Sadi. Puni and Rani were twins, I bought them at the same time. Sadi was named after a lot of things that I like and she was the least obedient of them all. A very headstrong cow. The last three cows were Wani, Kyri and Neki. Wani was named in japanese, after the OP arc I was watching then. I like that name. Wani. ^^ Kyri was as Meli, very attached to home, unless she was with the other two. It was as if she wasn't as shy when she was with them, oddly enough. Neki was my last one, she was a loner. She mostly hanged around the upper left corner and for some reason, I thought of her as a little depressed. Kind of like me. ^^
Other than my 12 cows I also had 12 chickens, and even though the game didn't require you to name them I did anyway, in my mind. Everyone of those I breed myself, except my first. But in the end, they were bugging the heck out of me when I tried to feed them and collect their eggs since they were always, always, in my way.

Lazy days on the farm ^^

The very first animal I recieved though was a dog I named Mew<3. Every morning, during summer/spring/fall and nice weather, I carried him outside and every evening I carried him inside. I later found out that he could scare off wild dogs if kept outside during nights but somehow I couldn't bring myself to do that. ^^
I also got a horse. I found her outside the farm one day as I was on my way into town to talk with Ann. She was kept in a 'stable' but I could might as well say she was kept outside. I didn't really like that, I wanted her to have a more proper place to be but that wasn't for me to decide, obviously. I couldn't feed her either, that sucked. But we rode around on the field a lot together instead, as often as I had some spare time. Her name was Iris. ^^
Another thing that was kind of cool was the gnomes. But I'm not going to spoil everything about the game for you. ^^

In the end I had a farm development rate at 36% and my ranchmaster points was only 628. But more importantly I had a happiness rate at 888 and a wife who loved me with all her hearts. Though I did not see him in the game, the ending showed my son, who was born the 24th of Fall and whom I decided to name Edal.

My family with my newborn son ^^

But honestly, I don't care about the scores. Because you can't grade life, and that was what this was. I didn't play this game. I lived it. So no, the scores mean nothing to me. The experience though... that meant a lot. <3

The End.

Movie Update

Now, I haven't updated in a long time and this isn't of interest to anyone because it's just a long stupid list of things I've seen these past months. I'm telling you here and now that this isn't worth your time. :P
Also, I'm just hurrying this along because I've been wanting to post this before... well, you'll see. ^^

"Over the Hedge" is a very cute move with adorable animations, but is nothing special. It's a very ordinary film in many ways. About five minutes in, you could see the ending coming more than a mile away.

Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking at all when I put "Scary Movie 4" on. I never really liked the first two movies and after that I simply didn't care anymore. But I actually laughed out loud (haha, LOLed ^^) several times. It's a silly, silly, awfully silly movie with a little too much toilet humor for my taste but I absolutely -loved- the scene when the female lead and the Grudge-child spoke 'japanese'. XD
Despite being funny every now and then, sometimes it felt like they were trying to hard. But it still beat all of its predecessors. I managed to identify four movies and suspect a fifth (simply because I haven't seen it myself yet).

"Nightmare Before Christmas" is a very, very good movie. I'm not as fanatic as some people I know (you know who you are ;) ), but I still love it. Watch it if you haven't. Otherwise you might be shunned forever by my kin. ^^

I also had a Monthy Python-marathon by myself. I worship Monthy Python. Really.
This time I saw "Monthy Python's Life of Brian", "Monthy Python's The Meaning of Life", "And Now For Something Completely Different" and, of course, "Monthy Python and the Holy Grail". I also managed to plow through all of "Monthy Python's Flying Circus". Actually, it was my first time seeing it all.
But my favourite remains, probably forever, "Monthy Python and the Holy Grail" even though "Bright Side of Life" and "Every Sperm is Sacred" are two of my favourite songs. Not to mention "The Lumberjack Song" but that one's so obvious it's silly. Who can -not- love that one? ^^

"Happy Feet" is a very sweet movie about penguins, yet sometimes it still raises the expression of "human filth" from the depth of me. Of course, the penguin society is based on human society, which upsets me a lot at times. Not to mention the actual humans in the movie. Humans suck. But anyway, the movie is really good. I grew truly fond of it. Especially the part of soulmates. I loved the idea of everyone having their own heartsong and how they used those to find their match.
It would have been so neat if it had been that way for real. ^^

"The Brothers Grimm" has Heath Ledger in it. 'Nuff said. ^^
Or not. He does a blank of a job as actor in this though. I was actually pleasantly surprised when I first saw it, since everyone had been telling me how much it sucked. I even cry at the end, even though I've seen it before.
I have this thing, as I've mentioned earlier, for things known twisted around into a new story. This movie is such a film, that spins the old fairytales around yet still manage to carry its own tale.
I love the part of little Red Riding Hood, though it only pass by briefly. That is also a reason as to why I enjoy reading "No Rest For the Wicked" (http://www.forthewicked.net/), a webcomic who also takes elements from known fairytales and create its own story around these.
Moving on, it's an entertaining movie and Heath Ledger rocks.

"X-men; the Last Stand"
I like it a lot, despite being a big fan of the comic and noticing all the small flaws. I love X-men overall, but I still think the movies did a lot of justice to the characters. They have done a great job at casting (except Halle Berry as Storm, she's the only one who -really- bugs me, and even more in that damn ugly haircut in this movie). Most of the actors seem right in place, like Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Wolverine is one of my favourites in the comic and I was glad to see such a match. I was a bit disappointed that Gambit wasn't in it because I would have loved to see him in reality. Gambit is foxy.
But the scene where Jean Grey makes out with Wolverine is smothered with hotness. Mrr. And Jean Grey (Famke Janssen) is so smexy this time around, with that coat... *Milia happy*

"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"
Johnny Depp can rock any role he ever plays. Johnny Depp can rock anything. Johnny Depp is the definition of hotness. Not many can play the role of Willy Wonka and still have more than half the audience wanting to jump him at sight.
I never really cared fo this movie when I was younger, nor the book. I still don't think I've read the book, and before watching this my clearest recollection of the story itself comes from Family Guy and their parody with Pawtucket Brewery. No, I know the story from before that, I did see the movie at least once in my early days.
I was deeply moved by the boy who played Charlie (Freddy Highmore), mostly because of the character but it suited him well. I actually cried when he found the golden ticket because I was so glad for his sake. I like these movies. They restore my faith in mankind. All thumbs up. ^^

"Ice Age 2 - the Meltdown"
Milia absolutely adores these movies. I love the first movie, but this one... I'm not sure but I might like this one even more. For starters, they have seamonsters lurking in the water. And at first, all you see is their shadow moving under them... oh, how I love that. Secondly, I think the new characters are adorable. The possums are so cute. ^^
And to go on, we have Denis Leary who makes the voice for Diego. I know he's in the first one too, but still. Mrrr.
And Sid's songs of Mammoth extinction ("If your species will continue, clap your hands [clap clap]"). All the songs are sweet.
Oh, and the squirrel! Skrat. <3
Another thing I love with this is the molehogs. The grampa-molehog rocks. ^^
"I'm not leaving this boat! This is -my- boat now!"
Simply put, I love it. ^^

"The Gathering" is a movie with Christina Ricci in the lead, another one of my favourite actresses, but even though the movie carries a very interesting theory that appeals to me a lot her acting is disappointingly weak in this particular movie. So all in all, it's not really that great.

I also watched three anime series; Fruits Basket, Trouble Chocolate and Naruto.
Trouble Chocolate was something I mistook for another show when I downloaded it, and in the beginning I thought it was going to suck but I was kind of pleasantly surprised. It's not something I would just watch like that, but it passes the time and entertains me.

Fruits Basket is one of my favourites. I love it. Everything about it. The characters, the interplay between them, the emotions shown... just everything. But most of all... I love Ayame. He's incredible. I'm thinking of adopting some of his qualities simply because he's so su-te-ki. ^^
I love his personality. Though it does remind me of a certain someone I know at times, but I can't really figure out who. But Aya is so, so, soooo wonderful. If only he was real... *sighs*

Naruto is also a favourite of mine. And yes, I watched the -whole- thing for the second time, as well as the movies. But I really, really love it. As well as Gaara, which you might have noticed before. He's like the hottest thing ever. Or maybe not. But absolutely a top ten, maybe even top five ^^ Aya is also somewhere around there, but I don't know. There's something special about Gaara. Maybe the fact that he used to be a bit... psychotic? ^^
Ah... if only he was a little older and real. *sighs again*


Anyway, this concludes the movie update for this time and remember; this count is over a two month period where I watched most of the movies when still in Kiruna. But yeah, maybe I don't have a life. Still, I'm pretty okay with that. ^^

Pity vs. Envy

I stumbled across this Italian proverb a few days ago.

"If the secret sorrows of everyone could be read on their forehead, how many who now cause envy would suddenly become the objects of pity.

This actually stayed with me for a while. I started thinking about how some people who's been close to me through life always seem to say that I shouldn't worry about what others say about me because they simply envy me and that causes them to act that way. I also started thinking that the people who envy me really just... shouldn't. Which is probably why this stuck with me.
Because I suspect if many of those people really knew, if they had seen what I've seen, then yes, I would become an object for their pity. A thought I am not so fond of.

And I wondered; why do people pity those who have been through hardships?
I honestly do not understand it. Pity is supposed to be such a virtuous feeling, a compassionate grace given to the lesser man. I don't like the way others are so quick to pity people. I think it's wrong. Pity belongs to those who deserves it. And I am not one of them. Nor are others who made it through their trials. I think they are worth admiring for actually making it through, rather than pitied because they did. That pity can cause horrible things to the one who becomes the object of it. I speak of experience.
Pity belongs to the ones who can't find it in their heart to respect their fellow man, regardless of religion, opinions or their appearances. Pity belongs to the ones who takes their fear out on others or are amused by things most people would shun. Pity belongs to the weak of heart. I'm amazed how few out there seems to understand that.

I don't write this seeking 'admiration' for myself. I know there are those out there who've had a worse time in life than me, they are the ones to really admire. I just... once I mistook the pity in others eyes, as I told them my story, for disgust. Now it is that very pity that disgusts me. Secret sorrows is something we all carry. It's part of who we are.
... why would anyone want to pity that?

Weird TV-schedules.

Well, this morning (or another morning, I don't remember really) I was watching TV. Or not really watching, I just wanted something to eat breakfast to. Anyway, I was happily zapping around, chewing on my piece of toast and drinking my tea, when I once more find an obvious lack of cartoons in the morning. Now, it's about 6 a.m. and I have noticed before, as well as been upset about it, that not only have they cut down on cartoons in all, but the ones they actually do air is aired disgustingly early. Do they really think that kids these days are awake at such hours?
But that wasn't really my point this time around. As I said, I was zapping around and I noticed something I found very weird. Did any of you know that they air MTV's X-rated at the same time as the morning cartoons? (X-rated is when the viewers can send in their names along with their partner's to find out their compability ratio in bed and it's somewhat crude at times... also, it's in Swedish)
I don't know why, but I found that disturbing. Imagine a child, somewhere around 7-10 years old, doing much the same as I was doing now, happily zapping around and suddenly finds that. I mean... seriously. That's just wrong.

Tokio Hotel

Yeah, I know. Still a sucker for 'emo', I guess. ^^

But I have fallen in love with this music. The reason I started listening to them though is very simple.
I saw their video for "Monsoon" and sure enough, I loved the song first time I heard it, as soon as it started playing. Still, that's not the reason. The reason was, and still is, their lead singer, Bill Kaulitz.
When he first appeared in the video, I was stunned. I couldn't stop staring. I was... mesmerized by everything about him. He might be the fairest creature I have ever laid my eyes on. He is... simply beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfMnM5Y2rw8
This is the video I first saw with them. And seriously. He's the reason God gave me eyes. <3

So no, I didn't have a very 'serious' reason for start listening to their music. But listen I did. And it would have been hard for me not to have fallen for it. I would not call it emo myself. Really. And I've certainly listened to my fair share of emo-bands in my life. >_<
Their German albums are by far better than their English, even though their english one is great too. But there is something very special, unique, in the combination of their music and their German lyrics. I've been very fond of German for a long time, and am still studying it. I think it is a beautiful language. But when Bill Kaulitz sings, he makes this otherwise harsh language seem so soft and I just... melt.

I would like to recommend them, but I doubt just anyone would enjoy their music.
But I do. I really, really do.


I just had to say it. ^^
(and I just realized my blog has turned into this weird thing where I simply list likes and dislikes. Sorry. ^^)

My Little Pony

Applejack.

Yes. I am actually doing it, I am writing a tribute to My Little Pony. Those of you not interested can stop reading right now. I am going all out with my affection towards the ponies. ^^

*coughs*

Once upon a time there lived a little redhaired girl in Sweden who loved My Little Ponies. Years later that little girl grew up and loved My Little Ponies even more. Yes. It's true. I love MLP. Everything about them. Still. They are my collector-obsession. Yes. I do collect MLP as well. Of course. And guess what? I am not ashamed of it at all. :P

This all started acting up again for real about say, somewhere around... 8-10 years ago. I'm not entirely sure exactly when, but the weird thing was I kept having this strange dream about MLP's. After not having thought very much about them before, it felt very odd for me to suddenly start having this dream, because in fact it was only one dream that kept coming back to me. And I'm not kidding, I had this dream for months. So eventually I gave in. I brought my MLP's down from the attic and started collecting the videos with them, since pieces of that dream referred to two of the movies. At first it was only to get rid of the dream. But when I finally, years after it started, got my hands on the last movie, I was stuck again. ^^
(note; I'm not complaining ^^)

Now I have admitted to myself that I love them. And yes, I might be a bit obsessed with them too. But hey, we all have our little kinks, don't we? ^^

The reason I came up with this post at all was that I was searching Tradera (a Swedish auction webpage) for some things for my big project mentioned in Hungermorr and stumbled across Cherry Jubilee. Not one of her, but about three or four of her. And she's quite rare (to me, who is not as experienced as most other MLP-collectors are). Cherry Jubilee is my Holy pony-Grail. She and Applejack. What I wouldn't do to have them... but for some reason, they are only available when I can't buy them. >_<

From here on, I will delve deeper into the intruiging world of My Little Pony and start talking about the dolls that I also collect. And I do have quite a few.

When I was a very little girl I used to play a lot at our neighbour's place. They were a family with two daughters roughly in me and my sisters age. These girls also had quite a collection of MLP's back then, even bigger than mine is now. And amongst these ponies was Applejack. So her I've loved ever since. And she's also in my favourite MLP-movie too. ^^

They also had Gusty, Heartthrob, Sundance and Lickety Split, who are also on my list of ponies to acquire. I have a very long list of those. Along with Firefly, North Star, Posey, Medley, Tex, Masquerade, Cherry Treats, Fizzy, and you get the picture of my very, very long list. ^^
Oh, and Sweet Stuff! She's a pony-Grail too. ^^

But putting all the ponies I don't have aside, Shady was always my favourite when I was little. Still is, and probably always will be. I used to bring her everywhere with me. Oh, and Sugarberry! I did the same with her. But when I was younger I could sit playing with all of my ponies or just some of them for hours and hours and never grow tired of them. I even used to bathe with them. ^^
Imagine that, a little five-year-old version of me in a huuuge bathtub and about, oh, 10-20 plastic pony dolls floating around along with the bubbles. You could hardly see the bathtub when all of those were in. ^^
Sometimes I even slept with all of them in my bed, just because I felt like I wanted to sleep with one of them in particular but then i felt bad for all of the other ponies that had to sleep in the box so I had to bring all of them to bed with me instead.

Yeah... I'm a bit creepy.

But I didn't just have the dolls. I had clothes, curtains, bed linen, movies, tapes, tapes with enclosed storybooks ("Titta. Lyssna. Läs." ^^), colouring books... you name it and I probably had it. Many of these things I still have, as a matter of fact. And I will NEVER ever get rid of them. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I'll never stop loving MLP. ^^

And I don't just collect the dolls. I love everything about MLP. Especially old storybooks and tapes and such. ^^ And I would just die to own a piece of clothing with the old school MLP on it. *wantsss*
I recently discovered that they have released the old movies on DVD in Sweden now. Milia so happy. <3 Until recently you could only find the early 90's series on DVD. I myself though has only gotten a hold of one of them so far. But the plan is to catch them all. ;D

I feel as if I must take a moment to defend my honour (salvage what's left of it after this post anyways ^^). I do not, in any way, support what My Little Pony has become today. The MLP I -love- is the really old school stuff, from the 80's. But I like the ones from the early 90's too. They're cute. ^^ But the pimped-out glitterponies that are known for younger generations as My Little Pony is worth nothing to me. (I'm sorry, little ponies, please don't hate me :( )

I feel so nostalgic right now, you have no idea. I wish my ponies had moved down with me. I think I have to call home and see if I can get them down here. :)
Oh Lord, I really need to stop writing somewhere about now. But seriously. You people already know my tree doesn't go all the way to the top branch. XD


And this morning's conclusion; Milia = obsessive MLP-collector. ^^

Cherry Jubilee

If I were a manga chick...

... I'd so be stuck in jail for pedophilia. XD

But I can't help it. I can't resist his smexiness. *swoon*

Evil is such a turn on. Evil turned good... yeah, little vague, but still. A turn on. ^^

And honestly...


... how can anyone resist that completely wicked insanity? ^^

"I don't know why I have a need to cause this pain... but it makes me feel alive."

Mrr.


....

I need therapy. >_< But my god, he's hot in this picture. *drools*

I Have No Hair

I cut it off. I didn't mean to. I was just going to trim it a little so that my two lenghts were united. It became very short, yes, my love, short as in so much shorter I want to sink into a pit and die. Well, not all that bad. I was able to save a lot, even though got rid of nearly half of it.
All because of Charlize Theron. I hate her. Not really, but I miss my hair.
And yes, I am aware of how trivial this problem may seem to you all, but it isn't to me. I -love- my hair. If there is anything I love, or even like, about myself then it would be my hair. So to me, it is a big deal. Though as I said, it is not all that bad. I managed to make it look a lot better than it could have. By me Lord, it could have been boy-short! And if that had occurred I would have jumped from the balcony. Seriously.

My mother and I, who by the way helped me cut my hair right, have engaged in a sort of suicide pact. To me, it feels like one, especially tonight. I fear that I might not be able to go through with it.
(not only fear, i'm quite certain of it :P Sorry, mum)
Another thing I'm going to mention now is that yesterday my mother got me this really silly girlmagazine since it had stickers with Happy Bunny and I adore Happy Bunny. But when I skimmed through it, from nostalgia-reasons, I got more and more upset as I went. What the hell are they thinking, the people giving out this magazine?? It is intended for girls between ages 8-12-14 or something like that and what are they writing about? I'll tell you what the fuck they are writing about. How to best put your makeup on and clothing tips that makes you look slimmer, among other, equally stupid, things. How the fuck are they allowed to publish this piece of shit?
Personally, I think most magazines with these things in, intended for adults, are just... stupid. But I can't, for all the adoration of me Lord, understand what is going through those people's mind when they unleash this upon girls that age. If anything, they should be ashamed of themselves, for making a profit of turning little girls into neurotic wannabe-'adults', worrying about their looks when they should be out playing instead. Honestly, people... how do you sleep at night?

Anyways. I'm not supposed to update for real this time either, although I happened to have a lot to say about that idiotic magazine, but it is coming a very long post on what I've been doing up here lately and I'm not doing much else than watch movies right now.

But I did see an earthworm today. :)
I was sitting out back with my boys on the grass when it suddenly appeared in front of me. I was kind of surprised, I have never seen a worm in the grass like that before. It was really, really cute. ^^
So I picked him up and moved him a bit, showed him briefly to my boys, but not long since the whole point of moving the poor thing was so that they wouldn't eat him up. ^^
Here's the tricky part. When I put him down, he disappeared! Not quite into thin air I guess, but rather into the ground but still. It was pretty cool. ^^


No, I did not find it interesting because I am bored. I found it interesting because I am silly. ^^


Miss you still. <3>

Thank you.

For returning my strength to me. Since I talked to you it all seems so much brighter. The colours are sliding back into their places. And all you did was talk to me.
Thank you, Nahal. For not forgetting me in this barren place. You make my world a better place, wherever I may be. <3

It doesn't take that much from you. I just need... kind words once in a while.

And now for something completly different. ^^

This is the part where I have written something else that you find so wonderfully charming and witty that you can't help but adoring me even more than you ever have before and become awfully smitten with my irresistable presence, causing you to miss me terribly while I am gone. So let's pretend a while, people. ^^

Kisses

Best Harry Potter Ever

This really, really cheered me up. XD


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx1XIm6q4r4


(watch the Dumbledore, trust me ;D )

Still here.

I think I lost track of time. How easy it is to lose something you hold so dear into the gray surroundings..

Anyway, I watched "Van Helsing" last night. It sucked, much as it did the first time I saw it. I am very disappointed in Hugh Jackman for doing this movie. Not that he does a bad performance, but because it is a bad movie and Kate Beckinsale is in it. She is one of the suckiest actresses I have ever seen. She belongs in those epic Harlequin-movie you want to claw your eyes out after watching ten minutes of it (yes, I'm talking about "Pearl Harbor"). She does not belong in a movie where she is supposed to play a strong and tough woman, because she's not. Although, to be fair I think she did develop her 'talent' a lot through the Underworld-movies. She doesn't suck all too bad in those actually. But I still don't like her. :P
And oh dear Lord, that fake accent of hers is killing me in this movie. Almost all the accents in the movie is so horrible. Not to mention all the animated stunts, that's even worse.
But I have watched this movie more than once so it's not a complete waste. Although I was sewing at the same time as I watched it this time around, so I wasn't really paying attention. :P

I also managed to watch "Transformers" and what an awesome movie that was. Really. I thought it was so great. Especially the voices of all the autobots. And I cried, gods, how I cried near the ending. I know I tend to cry a lot and easily, but still. ^^
You just have to see this movie. It rocked. And I so want to read the comic again. :)
the only downside is me and my imagination, because now I'm even more paranoid about the Beavercars, lurking in the darkness, plotting my doom...

I also saw a piece of a movie yesterday called "Uptown girl" or something like that. I had no idea what it was about but it was something with Brittany Murphy being a famous rockers daughter and working as a nanny for some reason I didn't care to remember. I'm sure it was mentioned but frankly, I don't care. The reason I'm mentioning this at all is Dakota Fanning. That girl is a terrific actor at such an early age. There was a scene in the end where her character had some sort of ballet performance and she was great. I admire her work since some time ago, and I must say that she has actually climbed onto my list of favourite actors. And once on it, there's no going back. ^^

I have no idea why anyone should find this interesting to read, but then again, I have no idea why anyone would want to read any of the junk I put in here. I mean seriously. It's a load of... blank, most of the †ıme. All the time.

And noticing how I don't seem to have anything more interesting to write about in my blog than what movies I watch (which are actually quite a few when I look back o_O) I thought about writing some thing of more interest but much to my own dismay I realized I don't have anything better to write about. I am a very boring person in a very boring town. Yeah. I hate this town. I get so depressed up here, despite having my family around. Sometimes I wonder how long it would take me to become suicidal again when I'm here (doubting it would take very long, nearly there already), but I'm going to ramble on about something happier that no one care about. ^^

There is a ladybug living in my room with me. I have named him Frank and sometimes I talk to him when my precious isn't around because it doesn't feel quite as bad as talking to myself. He's a really nice guy. Or girl, I don't know how to see such things with ladybugs. But his or hers name will still be Frank. Should he turn out to be a she, I'll add an -ie at the end. ^^

My GOD, how boring I am.
I think I'll stop writing right here, right now, so that maybe, just maybe, I'll still have friends when i come home. >_<


Anyway, I still miss you, hunnies. <3

(and sorry for inflicting the horrors of my blog upon you ^^)

On the Road

So. As most of you know, I'm not in Gävle anymore.
I've been travelling north to collect my little Heartbeat, passing Umeå and now I'm in Kiruna again.
The town itself is just as gray and dull as I remember it, and the greeting committee was entirely made out of mosquitoes where I had expected none at all.

Anyhow, here's an update of things I've been entertaining myself with;

I usually don't watch Swedish movies. I'm not sure of exactly why, but I'm pretty confident it is because they suck. If you take about 50 Swedish movies, you have maybe, just maybe, 4 good movies, 4 that doesn't feel like a complete waste of time, 10 that isn't good nor bad just not anything at all, and the rest of them suck. Big time. At least that's my point of view and I'm sticking by it.
Despite this I have seen two Swedish movies since I left home. One of them was showed on the bus, a comedy called "7 miljonärer" (millionaires), and it was actually funny. Maybe not so much from the start, but who am I to complain? ^^
The best thing of the entire movie was Tiger-Sven, the Russian hitman/kindergarten teacher. Really. <3
The other movie was "Beck - Okänd avsändare" and this is one of the movies I could have lived without. Peter Haber and Mikael Persbrandt are two really good actors but unfortunately can't their efforts carry the entire movie, including a story that we heard before in so many ways.

Another movie on the bus was "Tara Road" and I can put you out of two hours misery by saying; Don't watch it. It sucked. So much. So bad. My entire blog, filled with my self-centered ramblings of my boredom and silliness, is so much better than half a minute of that crappy movie. Trust me.

"The Sword and the Sorcerer" was a movie I thought would suck like the previous mentioned one but it didn't. Of course, it wasn't a very good movie but it entertained me at least, which is a whole lot more than that piece of... blank. Anyhow, the hero of the movie receives an heirloom sword from his dying father (the king, of course) at the beginning. No surprises, one may think, neither is that it is a very special sword. What I never would have seen coming though, is what an impractical and clumsy sword it seemed to be. You see, it was a three-bladed sword. Not edged, but bladed. One hilt, three blades. But when the special use of those extra blades were to dazzle me... I laughed out loud. Big, long time.
Otherwise the highlights of the movie were the credits ("A drunk", "Bar-Bro" etc.) and a scene where the heroine was about to be raped, the hero walks in, spontaneously chewing on a huge piece of meat and upon seeing him one of the rapers say something like "get out of here or else". The hero responds with "That's a small threat.". Then he takes a closer look at the half-naked man and with a wicked smile he says; "That's a really small threat." XD

I also managed to catch "Fantastic Four" and it wasn't at all as bad as I thought it would be. But then again, I carry this... aversion against Jessica Alba that might have rubbed of against the mvie before watching it. I don't think she's that hot either, honestly. Not ugly, but not really that pretty. Her character in this movie though suited her, transforming from what was supposed to be a confident and independent woman into a whimpering damsel in distress by the end. The character was so typical her kind of actresses too, but Hollywood, face it. No matter how hot or sexy a person is deemed to be, stupid people can't act smart. >_<
Otherwise, I loved the scene where Chris Evans takes his nurse skiing. He's kind of cool in this movie. ^^ Another thing I love is that Julian McMahon plays Victor von Doom. I like him. :)

The last movie to be mentioned was also the greatest. Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto".
I'm not sure what can be said about this movie. I... loved it. Even though I was a bit distracted by the company and despite some scenes forced me to look away, it was an excellent movie in so many ways I don't know where to start.
As I have mentioned before, some things make me feel... ashamed to be human. Sometimes people disgust me, often religious people disgust me more. The ones who will stop for nothing in the name of their God (as in "Silent Hill"), and fouler yet are the ones that have crossed that line of simply committing these abominations upon life to actually enjoy it, take pleasure from it.
This movie does carry some of these people, but it carries them well. There is so much beauty in all it's vile brutality. And not the kind of violence you can admire in a way, but a violence that still makes you sick despite it's aesthetic performance.
A separate worth of mentioning is Rudy Youngblood who plays the main character, Jaguar Paw.
He was absolutely perfect in this role. Not only is he deadsmexy (^^), but he has such incredible eyes. That one man can show such a wide range of emotions with naught but his eyes is astonishing. If I were to meet him on the street I don't think I could feel more exposed if I actuallyy had stood before him naked. I might be in love, yes. ^^ And yes, I do have a thing for beautiful eyes (like Elijah's *drool*).
All in all though, despite having some scenes I couldn't bear to watch this is definitely a movie I would have regretted to miss. So strongly recommended.

And just to inform you, no, I haven't just watched movies while I've been away. watched a lot of movies though, accompanied by the rattling dices of my mother and her aunt, Siv, playing Yatzy all weekend long. ^^ I have read a book as well, thank you very much. :P

"Dune" by Frank Herbert was the book I read.
I was expecting a well-written book, not just because I trust the one who recommended it, but because I have read another book by this author when i was younger. Despite this, I was surprised. I loved so much of the story itself, as well as how it had been written. I found myself reading the book in many different levels yet still it feels as if I haven't covered them all. Another thing surprising me was even though I knew it was fiction, a novel written to entertain, I actually believed what he wrote. It all made such perfect sense in so many ways I somehow carried pieces of that logic with me after I had put the book down and surfaced the real world again.
I really, really liked this book. Thank you for recommending it to me. <3

Anyways...
... my weekend passed and I have survived all the way to Kiruna. Friday we went strolling in town, and I naturally found my way to their bookstore. That's one of the best bookstores I've ever been to. And that is saying a lot. I bought four nice books that i'll probably end up reading here in Kiruna, but still. ^^
Saturday I met my captain Chade and spent some time with him in his cabin after finally finding my way there. :P It was a long and perilous journey, but I managed to find him in the end, don't worry. That was kind of nice.
And yesterday i finally arrived. Can words express how happy He makes me? I don't think so. He is the reason my heart keeps beating, keeps trying, and without him I would be nothing. As I write he is resting in my lap, in a small patch of sun that enters through a crowded window. He snores. I'm happy.


... but I still miss you, hunnies.

PS. iIm currently writing on a Mac, so cut me some slack with all my errors today DS

OMG! Smexy Alert!

Today I was at ICA Maxi for the first time, strolling around just doing nothing really. We went there because we saw something about a special offer on movies this week so we wanted to check it out.
And what do I find? What do I find??

WE <3 Katamari is what I found for no more than 99SEK (in comparison of 549SEK online). I shouldn't have bought it. I should have. I shouldn't. But I DID. And if I hadn't I probably would have cried myself to sleep for a month and then some. Thank you for showing it to me, precious. <3
Now there's a game who might, just might, be able to compete with my love for Harvest Moon and my redhaired wife in it. It is so adorable, so much fun and have really cute music.
Although I won't be evaluating it here right now, I'm going to play it first. But you can definately look forward to a reeeeeeeaaaaally long post about it later on.

But, soon I will be going away and new posts might be absent for a while. I know, I know, but grieve not, my hunnies, for I will be back. You won't even have noticed I'm gone. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. ^^
Because I will miss you so terribly much that I'll probably listen to Air Supply at least a couple of times a day and cry about it. No, I mean, er... I will be having so much fun I won't have time to miss you. I'm not desperate. I have friends!

I have you. ^^

<3

Shopping.

Today I've been shopping. Not so much big things, but small things just because I wanted to. I don't know how long it's been since I really did that. Much of it were, as I said small things, but I found a top I really, really liked. Okay, that's an understatement. THAT TOP IS SO FUCKING GODDAMN SMEXY, especially on me. I even got hot for myself while trying it on in the store. ^^

I ate french fries too. I think I'm stuck on eating french fries and ketchup. >_< I don't really know why, but I just get these cravings for french fries with ketchup. Usually my cravings go away once I've eaten the subject of my desire but not this time. I wonder why.

I also watched "A Knight's Tale" today. I -love- that movie. I could easily watch it over and over and over again. Heath Ledger = total hotness. I love how well most actors fit with their characters. All of 'Ulrich''s companions are so well matched to their roles, but the interaction between Paul Bettany (Chaucer) and Alan Tudyk (Wat) is one of my absolute favourite parts with the whole movie.
"Pain! Pain! Take the pain!"
I actually don't think I can say how much I adore this movie, nor explain why because there are so many reasons I would probably miss half of them if I tried to mention them all. I just love. you'll have to do with that. ^^

Oh, and the best quote of my entire day; "I can be such an apple-slut..." - Scrubs ^^

"Human filth"...

... is an expression that comes to my mind sometimes.

I saw both "Silent Hill" and "West Side Story" today. Both makes me recoil in the face of humankind.

Silent Hill is a great movie, at least in my opinion. I love the way they have built up the whole town, with the ashclad fog and everything. I also love how the sirens sound before each danger. The first part of the movie, before she gets to the church, I really love. It is made to be frightful and it is. I also very much enjoy Jodelle Ferland's acting. She does an exceptional job as the darker side. But no matter how much I like this movie, I somehow can't bring myself to like the second part. No, that's wrong. I do -like- the second part, as a movie, some scenes even escalates to love. It's just that it makes me a bit sick in my soul to watch the stupidity of mankind. And I hate to be reminded of how cruel they can be.

"West Side Story" carries some of that element, almost more of it. And despite loving musicals as I do, this was actually the first time I saw it. The actors were horrible and I seriously hope they will make a remake of it in modern times. I would have if I could, but I can't so I'll leave it up to Hollywood to realize that they want to do it. ^^
The story is rather cute, a little Romeo & Juliet over it. The music actually sucks, but it could have been the performers too. And I cried in the ending, not because of what happened to her but because of why and how stupid a reason that was. There was also a scene in which the heroine's brother's girlfriend are trying to leave a message to the hero on her behalf but his gang prevents her (of course, without knowing what she wanted). That scene made me nauseous. Honest to God (mine, not the others), people are stupid. And humanity disgust me in so many ways so often it hurts.

But to wrap it all up;
Silent Hill - beautiful movie (good actors, exceptional filming and climbs above the disgust)
West Side Story - horrible movie (bad actors, bad filming and horrible voices)

So...

... I was watching "Pirates of the Caribbean; Dead Man's Chest" earlier. I like those movies, mostly because I've always had the hots for Johnny Depp and as Captain Jack Sparrow he's hotter than ever. Although it's so obviously a sequel, it has its moments (except the thing with that wheel, I mean that's cute but way over the top).
Spoiler: But it was kind of funny, because when they're in Tortuga, recruiting, there is a scene where Jack walks up the stairs to the balcony when suddenly a couple of guys carrying another guy burst out in front of him. In that exact moment I was gripped by the notion how similar he and my friend Henke were at the time. I have no idea why the thought entered my mind, because they're not really that much alike otherwise, rather the contrary. But I guess they both do possess a certain kind of charm that's permeated with some sort of delusion of grandeur. Except they're not much of delusions really for either of them, at least not in my world. ^^
I think Henke would be a great pirate in that way. Pirate captain even, I find it hard to see him as anything less. I'd easily throw away any William Turner for a Captain Chade to pillage my village. ;D

But to sum the movie up, I mostly like it, even though it's totally pwned by the first movie (as most sequels are).

Evaluation of ze weekend

I've been to Stockholm over the weekend. That was fairly nice.
Yeah. That's probably the understatement of the year. ^^ It was wonderful. Marvellous.
I love both Rome and Josefine so much, it makes my heart soar to visit them. David was there too, at first, but I stayed a little while longer than him. Which of course means that I had our hosts all to myself, mwahaha. Eh. Yeah. Something like that. ^^
We had many adventures during my stay. Apart from the wonderful hourlong chats enjoying each others company, we barbequed in a pitch black forest, we ate foreign food with fruits in a scary restaurant and ice-cream with cloudberryjam and whipped cream with the tourists, frolicked around on the medieval tavern, met up with a wonderful woman that blaze your eyes with her beauty, harassed a poor defenseless boy who lives in the north, went bookshopping and, of course, I ate the most orgasmic piece of apple pie I ever had in my entire life. Those of you who know me knows about my general obsession with apple pie therefore you must know how much that means coming from me, and for those of you who don't... why are you reading this at all? ^^

Needless to say, I had a wonderful time.
We also managed to watch a movie called "Arthur and the Invisibles" (which director is none other than Luc Besson), a family movie I probably never would have seen on my own accord. It's about a boy called Arthur (obviously) who lives with his grandmother who is about to be evicted. Arthur hears a tale about the Minimoys and is determined to find them as well as the treasure his now missing grandfather left with them before the deadline of the eviction runs out.
It's a very charming movie. I liked it a lot. Arthur was kind of hot as an animated Minimoy. ;D
No, but seriously, the animations was really good and the fighting scene in the bar, or whatever, was hilarious. I loved it! It had so many of those subtle comments or parodies that it was not just any family movie, it was a family movie endurable for adults as well, often even worth the while of watching it. The real surprising part though was the credits. I had no idea so many stars were actually in it, doing the voices of the Minimoys. But all in all, it was a well worth waste of time and a little more. ^^
"I'm just a mini-Minimoy!"

I also bought books, as I mentioned, but only one of them was not a recommendation, but more of an impulse. It's a collection of short stories called "Furry Fantastic" by authors I never heard of before. It's about animals with fur. Yeah, I know. I'm such a sucker for weird topics. ^^
I bought mostly because it seemed so cute, but I was very amazed to find that it was actually really good. On the first page there is an exertion from "Wan Sui Ye" by Elizabeth A. Vaughan. I spent the next 167 pages waiting for that one to come up. I'm not saying that those in between were bad, on the contrary. One of the best was on p. 62, "In Between the Dark and the Light" by Diana Francis, about a dog who turned guardian angel. Not only were my eyes stuck to the pages, clinging on to every written word, but I actually read it twice, enchanted like that both times. I sat in Stockholm's train station waiting for my train to come, really fighting the tears back, -both- times. First time I cried despite my efforts, second time I only cried a little. ^^ So if we put my maudlinity aside, it is still a really, really, well-written story that I would recommend to everyone I see. Even strangers on the street.
There was also one called "Superstition" by Jody Lynn Nye, that caught my attention, especially near the end. It's about a stray cat, Stish, who's known by everyone in his little town, doing his daily routines with different people. In the beginning it was simply sweet, but near the end came a scene of dancing, so well described I actually laughed out loud, still at the train station. By now, people were moving away from me, I had a whole bench to myself with twenty people carrying heavy luggage standing around me rather than sit next to me.
However. When I finally came to "Wan Sui Ye" I wasn't disappointed at all. It's easily the best of them all. "Ninja rats? What the fu-"
All of the others are great short stories and should stay that way (I can't imagine "In Between the Dark and the Light" as anything else), but this one I could read a whole book of. And it could extend to a whole book with ease, especially with that intruiging ending. In fact, the only disappointment was that it ended at all.
"Who knew a rat could scream like a girl?"
Though I myself found nearly all of the stories were well readable, I do realize that I might be biased because of my special liking of alternative theories or twists of things. Most of these are written from the animals perspective and I am particularly fond of stories that takes something well known and put it in a new light. Here, I would much like to mention "Freedom's Toll" by Marc Tassin, which was written from a gerbil's point of view. It was brilliant. No, I did not cry, even though I very well could have. Instead, this one simply touched me. It was... simply brilliant.
Only two of these were actually written in those alternative worlds fantasy is so well-known for. Both I enjoyed a lot, but I think I enjoyed it more that they were the exceptions rather than the standard.
Anyways, I liked it a lot. And yes, I would recommend it. I think there is a story in it for anyone. Kind of like a book for all tastes that might stand reading an anthology dedicated only to furry animals. ^^